Seven months ago, I had my heart broken. I was engaged to someone, and the wedding was getting close enough that the serious wedding planning needed to be done. My fiancé had a business conference to go to, and so I figured while he was gone, I would work on wedding plans.

While he was at the conference, I was sick. I had a nasty cold, and barely wanted to get out of bed, but I called my sisters to ask them to be bridesmaids and we excitedly chatted about the wedding and the wedding plans.

The day before he was planning on coming back, he gave me a call and said he’s going to stay a few extra days because there was a really good opportunity he wanted to follow up on. I was still sick, and my alarm bells were going off. Something was wrong and off, but I didn’t know what it was.

Being sick clogs my intuition hardcore, and makes it very hard to get clear information that I understand. My body is the receiver for the information, and if the receiver is messed up due to illness, the information can’t come through very well.

He wasn’t asking my permission, he was telling me he was staying a few extra days, and even with the warning bells going off, I was still supportive. I believe strongly that everyone is happier, healthier and better off when someone pursues his or her dreams.

A week after he left, he came back, and something felt off, still. He wasn’t reacting to me in the ways he normally did, but the next morning he suggested we go out to breakfast at our favorite spot. I figured I was imagining something, until he sat me down to tell me he felt we were moving in different directions, and that it was time to let him go.

A day or so after that, he tells me he’s moving in with the woman he stayed with during the conference, and that he had cheated during that time. The next day, he moved out and was gone.

And I was left to clean up the mess, both figuratively and literally. He hadn’t actually packed everything and had left quite a lot of stuff he wanted to keep behind, and since I wasn’t feeling amicably disposed towards him and didn’t want to see him, I packed it up.

Thirty days later I’m in a new relationship, starting a new business, and feeling only minimal hurt and anger over the breakup. It’s not completely off my radar, but I’m not harboring any major animosity toward my ex or the woman he left me for.

I’m happy.

I wanted to share my story, so you know that when I say you can go from heartbroken to happy in 30 days, I’m telling you because I’ve done it. I’ve been completely heartbroken, and I’ve been able to go from that to happy in less than 30 days.

This is important for you to know, because just about everyone has his or her heart broken at some point, and there are certain actions that will speed up the healing process, and there are certain actions that will slow it or stop it in its tracks.

There are 3 steps that you must be willing to take to be free of the pain and to find your happiness again.

Step 1: Love the Heartbreaker(s)

The first step is to make a conscious decision to love. I’m not talking about deciding to love someone new in your life, I mean make a decision to love the person (or people) who hurt you. The first thing I did after my ex moved out was to take up a meditation practice.

I meditated for 30 minutes twice a day and sent my ex and his new girlfriend as much love as I could find within myself. I forgave them as much as I could, and if I found that too difficult, I spent the time loving myself for whatever it was I was experiencing.

I loved them for being willing to follow their dreams. I loved him for telling me before we were married and for never explicitly lying about what he did. I loved her for her success and ambition, her willingness to get out there and go after what she wanted. I loved him for not drawing it out any longer (although, trying to lie to a highly intuitive person is a bad idea.)

When I experienced anger, I loved myself for wanting to defend myself and wanting to make sure I was emotionally respected and taken care of. When I was sad, I loved myself for having dreams and being brave enough to try to make those dreams come true with someone. No matter what came up, I loved myself for feeling that way.

I loved as much as I could during those half-hour sessions, and miracles started happening. I met someone who was amazingly supportive and wonderful. He was my rock during that time, and always made me feel better.

I started making friends without trying. I didn’t have the emotional energy to try, but friends kept appearing.

Business opportunities started popping up everywhere.

Love is THE most important step. If you aren’t willing to love, you will not move on. You will stay stuck in the sadness, the anger, the frustration and the hurt. I can guarantee it.

It has nothing to do with whether they deserve love (even though they do.) It has everything to do with how much YOU need it. You do not need to condone what they do in order to love them. You can abhor the pain they have created in your life and the lives of others and love them, all the same.

Want to take it to the next level? Love the actions because of the opportunities for self-discovery and awareness. Even if you choose to never experience it again, love those actions, because they are in the past. They have already happened, and not a damn thing you can do now is going to change that, so reap all the benefits from them that you can. (See Step 3 for more details.)

Loving them releases you so you can be free to be happy. Even if you can only spare 5 minutes a day to work on this, do not neglect this step.

Step 2: Let Your Feelings Be

When I wasn’t spending time consciously loving, I had many reactions. Sometimes I was thankful the wedding plans weren’t more solid when it happened. Sometimes I was pissed that he cheated while I was calling my sisters and asking them to be bridesmaids. Sometimes I was hurt because we were planning children soon, and I felt the loss of those children very deeply. Sometimes I missed him terribly, his sense of humor, his laugh, the way he did little things.

I let myself feel all of that fully. I let myself cry until I was sick of crying, and then if I wanted to cry a little more, I did. When I was angry, I let myself be angry. I vented to trusted friends who I knew would listen, and once I even burned something he left behind that I knew he wouldn’t miss. It was cathartic, but I was careful to choose something that would not be missed, so I wouldn’t produce more hurt and pain for myself or anyone else.

It didn’t matter how I felt during the healing time. I embraced it and allowed myself to feel it as fully as I possibly could. I let it flow through me, and I didn’t hold on to a single feeling. Not the sadness, the anger or the hurt. I let it pass through me as I processed what had happened.

When I was in a public place where I couldn’t cry or fully experience the emotion, I would allow myself to feel whatever I could appropriately feel in that place and time.

Step 3: Learn the Lessons

Your pain is leading you to your lessons.

I don’t care what the situation is that prompted your heartbreak, all relationships are a co-creation. You didn’t cause the person to act in any way, but you are fully responsible for your own actions and your own experience. What is hurting you most about your break up?

For me, I was most angry that I had put my life and dreams on hold so he could pursue his dreams. I was hurt by how he didn’t include me in any of the decisions leading up to this or directly after. I was disappointed when I realized how long we had left certain things unsaid between us and I saw how they festered.

My lesson was to put my dreams first, and anyone who didn’t respect that about me was free to go their own way. My lesson was to be clear on how I wanted to be treated in a relationship and to create better boundaries. My lesson was to be transparent and open about how I was feeling, so issues could be resolved quickly without festering.

So, what IS the most painful part of your breakup? What hurts the most? Why does it hurt? Discover this, and you’ll discover the lessons that you need to incorporate into your life. Learn these lessons now, and fully embrace them. Be thankful for the opportunity to learn them now.

If you follow these three steps, you will find your happiness and your passion. You will open doorways to relationships and opportunities you can’t even dream of right now. Take the time to heal and learn.

Then, be happy.

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