This is what biting yourself in the ass looks like.

Have you ever been in a position where everything seemed to be going well, perhaps very well, in an area of your life, and then BOOM! It’s like everything falls apart simultaneously?

Have you been in a situation where you don’t take opportunities that look great on paper due to fear or uncertainty? Do you chalk it up to intuition, but later have doubts?

If so, you could be bumping into your own upper limits and sabotaging your success.

Upper limits are unconscious beliefs about how the world works and how successful we are supposed to be. It also involves beliefs about what success looks like, is supposed to feel like and how easy or hard it’s supposed to be.

My Upper Limits

In 2007 I was in college and I heard intuitive guidance that I should be a part of a leadership program that was offered at the school. I had just transferred from another college, and had traveled over 1000 miles with my mattress tied to my SUV, and knew no one in the city.

I listened to my intuition, and went to one of their free workshops. At the end of the workshop, the facilitator mentioned that if anyone wanted to be a leadership mentor, they were accepting applications. Again, my intuition told me this was a good idea, and I immediately scheduled an interview time and got all of my information together for it.

Two years later, I’m the student lead of the same leadership program, which is the highest position you can hold as a student. In that year, (and with the help of an absolutely amazing team, both student and faculty), we had tripled all of our numbers.

It was a dream come true. I often worked 30+ hours a week on top of my school schedule, because I enjoyed the work so much. I adored the team, and the leadership center was my home away from home. I never dreamed I could be good at something like this, and it was surreal to be in this situation.

Then, something very strange happened. Something that felt like my intuition started telling me that I should work less and check in with my team less. All of a sudden, I had huge anxiety attacks regarding my self-worth and my ability to do a good job.

I felt like a fraud and wanted to hide.

Worse yet, I DID hide.

I fell off the grid, and all of the people who had been working with me were… well, upset. To say the least.

Basically, I had a major meltdown, which completely ruined all of the efforts I had made to build up a reputation.

In the following months, I had to deal with the shame, frustration and anxiety surrounding not only my initial fears, but also the resulting fallout of acting on them.

I began asking myself, “What the hell happened? Why did I screw up such a wonderful and rewarding opportunity?”

I spent a lot of time reflecting on this, and reading anything I could get my hands on that might explain why I would essentially throw away what seemed like a perfect opportunity for me.

And by a lot of time, I mean about two years. It took two years of intense soul searching and study before I felt I had finally found the root cause of the issue and another 6 months before I felt I had adequately addressed it.

My mission is to save you a crap load of time, so you can do what took me two and a half years in a small fraction of that time.

Anatomy of an Upper Limit

Upper limits will try to “keep you down” when you are at your current subconscious limits for success. It doesn’t matter if it’s relationship success, professional success, or happiness success.

You can think of it like a thermostat. When you hit above the success level you’re comfortable with, your subconscious tries to bring you back to the “normal” level, just like an air conditioner will try to bring a room to the set temperature when it gets too hot.

So, what does that look like?

1. Turning down good/great opportunities due to fear.
2. Emotions of guilt and anxiety that appear to have no cause.
3. Self-sabotaging actions.

The Cause

When I hit my upper limit for success, I discovered that I had underlying and unconscious beliefs that success had to be hard, and required blood, sweat and tears, or it wasn’t “real.”

I believed that if it were easy, it was because someone was cheating in some way or they were geniuses.

I didn’t believe I was a genius, so that only left one option. I had to be cheating.

I also had the belief that cheating is wrong.

Because it was an unconscious belief, all I had to go on were the feelings of anxiety and guilt that came from the success.

I had not only reached my upper limits, I had completely surpassed them, but because I hadn’t actually changed the underlying belief structure, they came back to bite me in the ass.

The problem was that I had no idea that I had these beliefs, because they were dwelling in my unconscious. I just saw the results.

Discovering Your Beliefs

This is a deceptively simple process, but it works.

To find out what your unconscious beliefs are, work backwards. Look at your actions from a logical, non-emotional point of view. What would you have to believe to do the things you are doing? Was there anything you were told as a child that might contribute to how you’re acting now?

For instance, if you were told as a child that practice makes perfect, maybe it’s hard for you to believe that you can get something right the first or second time you try it.

Write it out. Put the beliefs on paper, and see if they resonate.

Keep digging until you find the ones that fit your actions.

Reframing Your Beliefs

Next, you want to reframe your beliefs. If your belief is that you have to work hard for success, write down its opposite: Success comes easily and effortlessly.

Make sure the belief is one that you want to have and is helpful to your vision.

Also, make sure the belief doesn’t contradict other beliefs that you currently hold. So if you believe that success is only easy for cheaters, AND that you have to work hard for success, then you need to address both.

Write it out clearly, and put it up where you can see it every day. I put it on my bathroom mirror, so I see it every day when I brush my teeth, use the restroom or wash my face.

Find Proof

Find proof to support your new beliefs. If you are instilling the belief that success comes easily and effortlessly, start logging every time you have a success that’s easy or effortless. You can also log other people’s success that they report as easy and effortless.

You want the supporting proof, otherwise it’s very easy to slip back into the old belief patterns.

Love Yourself

Take time to love and pamper yourself when you notice the upper limits rearing their ugly heads. Give yourself a pedicure, go for a walk or run, or meditate. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you stay conscious of the fact that it’s just the upper limits and it has nothing to do with reality.

What upper limits are you dealing with and how do you deal with them? Share in the comments below!